I am literally shaking with rage. I have never been this hurt or this angry ever before in my life. My veins are filled with ice and I'm shaking from head to toe. Not from cold, I thought so too. Terrible rage.
He disgusts me to my core. How can we related and he be so revolting? Not his physical appearance, but his insides. He is SO unpleasant and a complete and utter fucking uuurrgggh!!!!!!!!!!
MY fault??? Once or twice, maybe yes. But not even in the examples he gave!! I was actually completely normal there, nice or tired even, and then I'm bitchy and chasing him out of the house???? I cannot FUCKING believe someone can be such a huge asshole! There isn't really a word for what a prick he is!
I am not taking this laying down! I'm being punished for fuck all! They don't even see it as a punishment. I have to spend more than a week in a house with someone I don't even like and who doesn't like me and we can't say 2 words to each other without fighting. Okay I get sibling fights but this is ridiculous! I want to kill him. Not haha I would like to kill him, I would literally enjoy stabbing a knife through his heart.
Blind, teary, shivering rage.
I can barely type because my fingers want to scrunch up in angry fists and I can't keep them straight because I'm shaking too much.
I need to study for my Business Law exam, I actually WANT to study for it, but I can't because I am so incredibly angry!!!
I actually don't know what to do I have never been THIS angry and I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth if I say something. I am afraid of my reactions now.
Let's all pray I can calm down and hopefully study.
I can't handle this shit anymore
Thursday, 20 June 2013
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
First they tell me they are taking my irritating brother with on holiday so I can have the house to myself (and my boyfriend because "a girl can't stay home alone"! Whatever, I'm 20 not 2 I can live alone if I want to Mom!) and some peace and quiet.
Then they tell me oh and while we're gone, your aunt and uncle will be staying from Tuesday through Friday. Not only do I have to feed the dogs now, I have to feed and entertain the family, too. But also, instead of having a romantic week alone with my boyfriend to spend some much needed quality time together and play a little Our House, he is too shy to stay over when my family is here, so I'll only see him before and after they are here. I mean, I really love my family and all, but damn guys you're cramping my relationship!!!
But that's not the end of it!
THEN I am told my 23 year old damn effing irritating brother has decided NOT to go along on holiday and will stay home and because his car will be in for repairs, I have the luck to drive him around in my car that I only get tomorrow. Thus I not only have to feed the dogs and my family and be an entertaining host, I have to clean after my damn effing dirty brother who doesn't know how to aim for the laundry basket or to drain his tub water.
This is supposed to be MY holiday! So I decided FUCK THIS! Seeing as he always criticizes ME about what I do and how I do it (even giving the dogs water), HE can stay and entertain and feed everyone and I'll just go live with my boyfriend for the week. If he wants a lift somewhere, he has to let me know 2 days in advance.
I'm sick of my plans always coming to second to everyone else's. This is not High School anymore, no one walks over me!
Oh and this morning the dietician told me I'm not allowed to eat any wheat or high GI products. Meaning "Here you go, have some carrots and fish!" I'm so sick of dieting and nothing works. I mean, it's just 13 effing kilos!!! It's not like I'm a bus or wearing a size 50!
So yeah, my day has been shit so far. And it's only lunchtime.
Then they tell me oh and while we're gone, your aunt and uncle will be staying from Tuesday through Friday. Not only do I have to feed the dogs now, I have to feed and entertain the family, too. But also, instead of having a romantic week alone with my boyfriend to spend some much needed quality time together and play a little Our House, he is too shy to stay over when my family is here, so I'll only see him before and after they are here. I mean, I really love my family and all, but damn guys you're cramping my relationship!!!
But that's not the end of it!
THEN I am told my 23 year old damn effing irritating brother has decided NOT to go along on holiday and will stay home and because his car will be in for repairs, I have the luck to drive him around in my car that I only get tomorrow. Thus I not only have to feed the dogs and my family and be an entertaining host, I have to clean after my damn effing dirty brother who doesn't know how to aim for the laundry basket or to drain his tub water.
This is supposed to be MY holiday! So I decided FUCK THIS! Seeing as he always criticizes ME about what I do and how I do it (even giving the dogs water), HE can stay and entertain and feed everyone and I'll just go live with my boyfriend for the week. If he wants a lift somewhere, he has to let me know 2 days in advance.
I'm sick of my plans always coming to second to everyone else's. This is not High School anymore, no one walks over me!
Oh and this morning the dietician told me I'm not allowed to eat any wheat or high GI products. Meaning "Here you go, have some carrots and fish!" I'm so sick of dieting and nothing works. I mean, it's just 13 effing kilos!!! It's not like I'm a bus or wearing a size 50!
So yeah, my day has been shit so far. And it's only lunchtime.
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
The Beginning
Yay! So now I finally have a blog.
After months of threatening to start my own blog, I finally have! And now I am speechless...
Well, okay not with stupefied wonder at finally starting my own blog, more just I don't know where to start.
Small steps, I guess.
University = sucks. No, not the work or having to go to class or even getting up in the morning. It's the feeling of uselessness that surrounds the whole thing. I'm bored, completely, utterly and out of my mind bored. I feel like I'm wasting my time having like 4 classes a semester that do nothing to challenge me mentally when I can have a job, my own place, car, money, etc and do what I really want to in life. Talk about wanting to grow up too fast, right?
I'm halfway done, at least.
Until next time
save the world, and blah blah
After months of threatening to start my own blog, I finally have! And now I am speechless...
Well, okay not with stupefied wonder at finally starting my own blog, more just I don't know where to start.
Small steps, I guess.
University = sucks. No, not the work or having to go to class or even getting up in the morning. It's the feeling of uselessness that surrounds the whole thing. I'm bored, completely, utterly and out of my mind bored. I feel like I'm wasting my time having like 4 classes a semester that do nothing to challenge me mentally when I can have a job, my own place, car, money, etc and do what I really want to in life. Talk about wanting to grow up too fast, right?
I'm halfway done, at least.
Until next time
save the world, and blah blah
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